The Anonymous Adventurer | KenyaBuzz
The Anonymous Adventurer

Blood & Sand

The Anonymous Adventurer
We In Kenya need a War leader, not a wealthy, privileged, professional politician.

Plight of the Innocent

The Anonymous Adventurer
This week’s atrocity in Mandera has rightly stunned and sickened the world. Any soldier who executes innocent nurses and teachers has no place on this earth. I truly hope like many that Deputy President Willam Ruto’s claim that 100 Al-Shabaab militants have actually been vanquished.

Carpe Diem

The Anonymous Adventurer
So what to seize now? Well there’s this race, it’s in Patagonia which is the eastern bit of the long finger of South America, and it lasts 10 days, oh and you have to sea kayak, trek, mountain bike, carrying everything with you and basically not get lost or killed!

The Fridge

The Anonymous Adventurer
I have a fridge that seems only a little bit smaller than the apartment I’ve just moved out of, I have more rooms than I have furniture to fill and I have a garden that has a pond. And it’s a real pond, not just a wet puddle full of mosquitoes that a real estate agent claimed is a pond.

My Magic Dark Cloak

The Anonymous Adventurer
It’s a bugger of a condition, so hard to explain to others. They just think you’re a bit of an angry chap and prone to bouts of being grumpy. Which in fact is all true. But that’s what you see from the exterior, inside it’s far far worse. I'll try to explain..

Oh, Everyone’s Doing It

The Anonymous Adventurer
So that night, the Hockey Captain and I lay cuddled in our tent and decided that yes we are going to leave the bright lights and big city and spend our time getting stuck in black cotton mud on country roads rather than traffic jams; eat homemade ginger biscuits rather than the same meal at the same restaurant...

Time Gentleman Please....

The Anonymous Adventurer
When I first put that watch on I felt ten feet tall and bulletproof, I had arrived. I was different. In fact I still have a warm feeling every time I look down and see those beautiful dials.

The Song Remains the Same

The Anonymous Adventurer
Where as previously laying around all day in your pyjamas eating matoke chips was thought of as wonderfully decadent, now it just becomes lazy and wasteful. If you are a man you have a "Peter Pan" complex, if you are a girl you are scatty and a bimbo.

Your Legacy Mr. Kenyatta?

The Anonymous Adventurer
When the US and UK issued travel warnings to its citizens that they considered Kenya too dangerous as a tourist destination the Kenyan government accused them of colonialist attitude and publicly distanced themselves from them. Ironically the next day two terrorist grenade attacks happened in our capital.

Don't Mind If I Do

The Anonymous Adventurer
The girls dance in tribal wear, then formal wear, then workwear, before being interviewed. So the general thought process goes, that if you are beautiful then you must be dumb, which is an incredibly dumb thought process, how on earth are they linked?

What’s Your Number?

The Anonymous Adventurer
My advice for a guy...don't ask...there's a chance she's seen more action than you, which might bruise that lion ego. And for woman...don't tell, just say "it’s none of your business" and then screw him senseless, he probably won’t care then.

"We Have a Black Down, We Have a Black Hawk Down"

The Anonymous Adventurer
I'm back working in one of the troubled states to our north. Not the one with the miraa chewing pirates, nope, not the one with sallow skinned beauties sipping coffee, no I get the one that is always at bloody war. I shouldn't complain, that’s the reason I’m here, I work protecting the nice fluffy caring people while they deliver humanitarian aid.

I’ve Set Myself a Ludicrous Goal...

The Anonymous Adventurer
The self-inflicted lunacy is to be done by this Christmas. I'll spare you most of the insanity, but I do have to give some details because, then, while I'm watching the words form under my fingers, the full impact of my stupidity will land unceremoniously slap in my foolish face.

A Fistful of Firsts

The Anonymous Adventurer
I seem to have accidentally got myself a girlfriend... the hockey captain. I feel I should probably elaborate.

A Room With a View

The Anonymous Adventurer
We were about 350 meters above the ground, on the face of one of Kenya's unclimbed mountain faces. It had started badly, I had managed to get diarrhea and vomiting the day before and my team mates had told me to get fit or miss out.

The Last Lunch...

The Anonymous Adventurer
She was done, beaten, empty. I could tell, I had spent the last year or so guiding people up this mountain and I had learnt the signs when someone couldn't go any further.

Thirteen Minutes...Of Extra Time

The Anonymous Adventurer
If you had to choose a country for the Sex World Cup it would have to be Brazil, or maybe another nearby country that has all the coolness but is a little more "boutique". So what of the other great World Cup winning countries?

The Sting in the Tale, Part 2

The Anonymous Adventurer
My date had arrived, we chit chatted, my nervousness leaving me as my confidence started to return. I soon had to get to the crux of the matter though. During my text seduction I had asked her if she was single and had got this reply. “I’m not single, but I’m not committed, don’t worry it’s not weird”...

The Sting in the Tale, Part 1

The Anonymous Adventurer
I'm sitting in a bar, waiting, waiting for my date. I've got untold amounts of important work to complete on a deadline, so I should be beavering away at desk. But I'm not; I'm waiting here...still. It's just enough time since her last call to tell me it's ok to become worried. Am I being stood up?

I Have A Photo...

The Anonymous Adventurer
I have a photo, one I once cherished, let me tell you why.